It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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