was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
