I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
