Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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