i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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