wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
