If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize