My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
