there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize