I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
