I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
