Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
