Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
