How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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