If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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