I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
