i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
