I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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