shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
