Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
