thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
