Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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