I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
