dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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