I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
