don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
