oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
