Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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