So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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