i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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