is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Your penis caused this!
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