Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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