CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
