fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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