Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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