Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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