I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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