I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
