Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
