I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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