Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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