you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
