drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
