you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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