T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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