you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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