Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We don't watch enough power rangers
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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