Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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