I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
