Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the condom got lost in my hair
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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