Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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