4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
