Why does Corona taste like a burp?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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