in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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