you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
