I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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