does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
