My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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