Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
