Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Can I color on your dick again?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
