I think I am morally bankrupt
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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