I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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