Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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