She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
