all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
