New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
