I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
