But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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