Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
