I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
