the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
